Thursday, February 2, 2012

5 months

5 months.
153 days.
220,320 minutes.
a relatively short amount of time to know someone.

i am not able to recall what life was like before you arrived.
maybe i can't seem to remember because you've always been there.
in my minds eye.
in my prayers.
in my future that is now here.

you are asleep on the bed right behind me.
i can hear you breathing.
your chubby arms and legs are tossing about as you try to get comfortable.
you some how figured out you like to sleep on your side with your leg propped up on a pillow just like me.
that makes me smile.

i just turned around to look at you for the 1,254 time today.
you have a sweet little grin on your face.
what exactly does a 5 month old dream about?
your favorite teething toy?
puppies?
eating real food?
watching the waves at our favorite beach?

i adore you.
you remind me that God the Father gives good gifts.
i breath deep and slow when i hold you.

i was terrified and shocked when the ultrasound tech uttered the words:
"let's get a better look at your little boy."
a boy?
i'm going to have a boy??
are you sure?

i had talked myself into thinking i was pregnant with another girl.
i'm a girl.
i have a girl.
i can handle a girl.
boys on the other hand....yikes.
i don't know how to raise a boy.

but then i realized it wasn't just any boy.
it was you.
sweet, happy, perfect for me, you.
God knew all along i needed a little b in my life.

i love you with all that i am.
thank you for making me realize i don't need to have it all figured out.
i just need to enjoy every. single. day. i get to be with you.

i am grateful Lord for that precious reminder.
to relish this life i have been thoughtfully given.
that You've got "this"....what ever "this" may be.

that you Lord, make me whole.
everything else is just icing on the cake.
you alone are enough.

then you go and place desires in my heart.
and then You fulfill those desires.
that on this journey to an eternal destination, i get to live this amazing life.
i really don't deserve it.

i am  p o s i t i v e  i have no idea what i'm doing.
how to raise a boy, what to make for dinner tomorrow night, whether or not i sent in the car registration.
i could go on and on.
but i have complete confidence in You Lord that you know exactly what You're doing...
and i'll happily go anywhere with You.

thank you for that.
thank you for the little boy fast asleep on the bed behind me.
thank you for his beautiful sister, her heart of worship and crazy dance moves.
thank you for their amazing father...the handsome, Godly man that calls me his bride.
thank you for everything.

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